I'm reading a book called The Art of Everyday Ectasy, by Margot Anand. I was reminded of one of the reasons I started this photo essay in the first place...
"How did we lose our reverence for Gaia, for her wonderful sensuality and her graceful fertility? How did we lose the sense of pride in our sexuality, the knowledge of our bodies as holy and of sexuality as the sacred foundation of life itself? How did we get the bliss of eros, of Aphrodite and Adonis, to the notion of original sin and the expulsion of Adam and Eve from the Garden? And how did we arrive at the unholy and anti-ecstatic trinity of guilt, shame and judgment that has held us in bondage for millennia? In other words, how did we murder ecstasy?"
As I'm writing this I realize that I have Gaia as my background for my computer.
You can say that my female empowerment "kick" came from my parents allowing me to dress myself from a young age (think Punky Brewester), and having two parents who always stood up for what they believed in. As I grew older, empowerment became a way to deal with my and my friends' teenage situations. Too many of them needed a voice. As an artist, my voice was put into my photographs and poetry. I also lacked the fear for speaking up for what I believed in. I was often called on to be the voice for the voiceless. Even in middle school I had priorities for justice. I had a Save the Earth Club and often donated my money to save acres of rainforests or whales. In high school it was safer sex and AIDS awareness and education. I am proud to say I probably stopped some teenagers from becoming parents.
I lived on my own as a senior in high school and I always had more than one job. I was dealing with my parent's separation and "growing-up". I partied hard and often. I met many people from different backgrounds, and had a variety of jobs from Jiffy Lube, an answering service and a Santa Claus booth. I did things the hard way, often. But I always pushed myself to do and be more. When I knew I needed a change, I did what it took to make it happen. That is how I found
Public Allies. I served my time and got back on track. I even got into
UCSC after (Go Banana Slugs!).
Public Allies Silicon Valley, graduating class of 2005
As I got older the situations for empowerment changed. I wasn't okay with being called a feminist (what my actions and beliefs were called), and found it harder to find that excitement and faith. Still making bad choices, and dismissing my emotional turmoil, I created. I did a photo documentary on
Women in Hip Hop, based on the roles that women in hip hop get to choose from, and the women that break them. It was for my final at UCSC (btw, my major is no longer. VIVA Community Studies!!). I did my research in some books and articles and sort of did an
ethnography on the young woman that I taught photography to in Brooklyn. It was photography and media literacy, and they had to have a photo documentary at the end of the summer on women's issues in their neighborhoods. We had a showing of their photographs in the Empire State Building!! It was awesome!
Photography has always been apart of my life. I am a third generation photographer (my grandpa,
dad and now me!) and I've done some pretty awesome photographs. I've even had some great photo jobs. With so much fear and doubt, I was never really able to "close the deal" to my photography career.
One day, while doing some reading for my photo documentary, I had an
epiphany. I knew what I needed to say, and do. I wrote, and I wrote. I even found a label that I was comfortable with. I was no longer a feminist, I took on the label of
Hip Hop Feminist (THANK YOU,
Joan Morgan!). Maybe one day I'll share that poem with you. ;-) No, I'm not going to explain what hip hop feminism is, this blog is long enough, read the book!
Photos from my photo documentary of Women in Hip Hop that was up in a gallery in Frankfort, Germany.
Fast forward to now (don't need to go too deep). My photo project is a reminder that we all stumble and fall. We have our times when we don't feel like ourselves, or have pain we don't know how to bear. It's like being lost in the woods. Some of us have the skills to stay calm and find our way, while others of us panic and freak ourselves out in thinking that we're going to die. Few of us do, but most of us find our way out, the hard and long way. The problem is, how many of us learn from our mistakes? How do we get back to our original essence of being? Being in touch with our higher selves, and with our ancestors, can give us the courage, strength and guidance we need in all parts of our life. If our masculine and feminine sides are in balance, we can reach the best part of ourselves. My photographs will show our true nature, our inner Goddesses and call on our ancestors. So join me on my journey...
Till next time, love, love, love yourself and do one thing a day that frightens you.
My alter ego, Marilyn, the penguin.
